Bipolar for Dummies

Mara can’t believe Katie has given her a book titled ‘Bipolar for Dummies’.

She’d bought if for herself and then thought Mara might find it ‘useful’.  She has ‘usefully’ turned down pages and underlined sections she thinks Mara should read.  Mara wonders if there is anywhere she can write to complain about the title, and the putrid yellow cover that is enough to set anyone off on an episode.

“Don’t be an idiot Mam…” Mara wonders that Katie doesn’t see the irony in that “…there are loads of dummie books for lots of topics.  They’re not having a pop at people with bipolar.”

Mara wonders why that should make it any better at all.

She skims through Katie’s underlining and wonders if she’d had a hand in writing it, “Alcohol will worsen the condition” and “Excesses should be avoided…”  Mara wonders if they call it bipolar because she’d be better off living on an icecap.

She leafs  through more of the folded pages and finds one that Katie has straightened again, with no underlining.  She skims down the page and finds a section on “Genetic disposition to bipolar”.  She wonders why they have to use these bloody long words if it’s supposed to be for dummies.

She reads that “Children of people with bipolar have a much greater risk of having the condition.”

She didn’t know that.  How come no-one had ever told her that?  All those bloody appointments and they never tell you anything.  She flicks over the page and sees there is a checklist.  Katie has gone through and ticked “symptoms”:

- Depressed mood – tick
- Sleeping too much or too little – tick
- Feelings of worthlessness, excessive guilt or inappropriate guilt – tick

Mara is pleased to see she hasn’t ticked ‘Feelings of suicide or wanting to harm others’ although she does notice the pen dot next to it. 

Typical Katie this. Has to have whatever anyone else does.  Even as a child if someone got toothache she’d insist on Mara rubbing Bonjela on her gums and letting her swill ice water round her mouth to ease the non-existent pain.  Some called it empathy, but Mara just thought it was attention seeking.

Saying that, people had thought the same thing about Mara when she was a kid.  They always thought she was exaggerating, lying, trying to get other people into trouble.  It hadn’t done her any good when it happened.  No-one believed her.

“Ever heard of the boy who cried wolf?” is what her mother had said, and so Mara gave up.  And then when it all came out, she got the blame, everyone wondering why she’d not said, telling her she was selfish, that it was her fault so many kids had gone through it too.  She’d felt bad about that, especially little Cindy two doors up.  She still feels bad about that now. 

Cindy was in the hospital last time Mara was in; slash marks all the way up her arms and even on her legs.  Mara had played cards with her, but it wasn’t much use. Cindy was so drugged up on anti-psychotics that she just sat there, and Mara ended up playing both hands.

Mara looks through the list of side effects of Lithium in the big yellow book and notices “crap at cards” isn’t listed.  She snorts and starts adding her own to the bottom of those listed:

- Mouthing like your part of a UK gurning competition,
- Eyes looking as big as Marty Feldman’s,
- Sleeping until one in the afternoon and then being told you’re ‘lazy’.

She laughs and writes in caps “HEALTH WARNING – THESE TABLETS CAN SERIOUSLY HARM YOUR FUN” and continues writing.

- No alcohol,
- Must be back in the house by ten to take them or risk being ostracised by worried relatives,
- Millions of pointless visits to doctors, nurses, psychiatrists and psychologists to get bloods tested, eyes checked, kidneys examined and  mind scrutinized,
- Harassment by interfering relatives to check if you’ve actually taken the bloody tablets.

She laughs and closes the book, wondering who the dummies are after all.